My personal testimony starts at the very beginning of my life when I was born with a congenital heart defect. Back in 1974, there wasn’t even a name for my particular diagnosis. Eventually it was called Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV), which basically means I have a single-functioning ventricle. When I was six months old, I had my first open heart surgery. At that time, my lips and fingernails were turning blue as my body wasn’t able to receive enough oxygen. I had another surgery at the age of 4. When I was 10, I had a surgery called the Fontan, which greatly improved my circulation and got rid of my cyanosis. I felt better physically but I was still, “the girl with the heart condition,” at school.
Even though I received salvation at the age of 12, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy and not feeling like I belonged. As a result, I began drinking and partying as a way to fit in with my peers. I loved the feeling of confidence that alcohol provided. Not only that, but when I drank, I no longer cared about what people thought about me. Partying also became a way to hook up with guys. When I went away to college, my drinking had turned into full-blown alcohol abuse. My sophomore year, I ended up in the hospital with congestive heart failure. After being hospitalized for nearly a week, I was able to go home to recover. Despite the fact I was put on all kinds of heart medications, I continued to drink when I went back to college. I ended up getting 4 minors in consumption by the age of 21 and spent 30 days under house arrest.
During all of that, my heart never fully recovered and at
the age of 25 I needed another open-heart surgery. I knew that God
had looked after me since I was a baby, which is why I had no fear going into
the surgery. The recovery was very difficult and three months afterward, I had
to go back to Mayo to get a pacemaker. Even after all that, I struggled to quit
my partying lifestyle. I wanted to start going to church again and to be the
person God wanted me to be, but there was a huge battle raging inside me and
the devil was trying hard to keep me in bondage. Finally, one day in church I rededicated
my life to Jesus and was able to quit drinking. Around this time, I took the
opportunity to move to North Carolina. One of the first things I wanted to do
was find a church home. I ended up in a hyper-charismatic church that taught
the Prosperity Gospel. At that time, I was also introduced to other
teachings, such as the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) and the Hebraic Roots
Movement.
After two years in NC, I decided to move back home to
Watford City. I had met my daughter’s father and due to some “words from the
Lord” from people who had prophesied over us individually, we thought it was
God’s will for us to marry. Even though I wasn’t sure about marrying him, I believed
it was God’s will for my life and that I needed to be obedient. (Sidenote: false
teachings in the church can cause a lot of confusion and lead to some
not-so-great decisions.)
Seven months after getting married, I became pregnant. Growing
up, due to my heart condition, doctors had warned me to not get pregnant. But
due to another false teaching, we didn’t do anything to prevent the pregnancy.
When I was 26 weeks along, our daughter tried to come into the world. I was
airlifted from Williston to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. Thankfully, she
stayed in there another 3 weeks. I had a placental abruption during the delivery, so I
underwent an emergency C-section. During this time, Faith lost oxygen to her
brain, which resulted in extensive brain damage. After spending over 70 days in
the NICU, we were finally able to take her home. When she was six months old,
she was diagnosed with spastic quadriplegia, which is the most severe form of
cerebral palsy. We moved to Bismarck so that all of her special needs could be met.
Around this time, we began going to a church that believed it was always God’s will to heal. This teaching was included in a false teaching called Word of Faith (WOF). Part of this belief was to be really careful what you could said, because your words had power. We could only say things that were positive. For example, we didn’t want to say our daughter has cerebral palsy because this meant we were accepting that as fact. Instead, we said things like, our daughter is being healed of cerebral palsy, in the hopes that our words would create our reality.
This whole belief system was very
difficult as it made us feel like we were somehow responsible for her healing.
We also had to pray for deliverance in case she had any demons that were
causing her disability. I remember a friend asking God, “what are we missing?”
Like there had to be something that was causing her to still be disabled. Also,
we needed to believe with all our hearts she would be healed, because even the
littlest bit of doubt could prevent it from happening.
In 2017, God used a medical emergency with my heart to begin to open my eyes to some of the false teachings we believed. We stopped going to the church we had been in, but we didn’t want to start looking for a new church home for fear they would be full of some of the teachings we were trying to get out of. As a result, we became very isolated. Without going into the details, things were becoming even more difficult in our marriage, and we agreed to separate. Rob moved to another town, but we were still doing marriage counseling. Eventually he moved out of state, but I was still hopeful we could work things out.
About 7 months after we separated, my daughter Faith told me
she wanted to go to church for Easter. This was totally out of the blue as we
had never really talked about going back to church. We decided to go to one
that some of our friends went to. We went there a couple of times, but I wasn’t
sure it was the right church for us. We tried a few different churches and then
on Mother’s Day, ended up at Truth Fellowship Live (TFL).
In October of 2022, after spending Faith’s 18th birthday together, Faith’s dad told me he wanted to end our 19-year marriage. I had only told a few ladies at church what was going on. I appreciated the support and words of encouragement they gave me but still I worried what some people at church would think if they knew. My worst fear was that I would be judged and looked down upon. After one particular message, I felt compelled to e-mail Pastor Terry and tell him about the divorce. I cried my eyes out when I got his response, which was full of grace and compassion. He said it was his prayer that God would provide for all of mine and Faith’s needs on a daily basis.
This is one reason I wanted to share this testimony…because that’s exactly what God has done! He has provided for all of mine and Faith’s needs, which includes living in a safer, more secure building with underground parking. Not only that, but by being in a church that reveres the word of God and teaches it in context, I have learned more about God’s Word in the short time I’ve been here than I have my entire life!
I pray that this testimony encourages anyone who reads it, especially those who may be going through a difficult time. This life is not always easy, but God is always good. I’m so grateful to Him for continuing to lead me and guide me to His truth, His love, and His grace. To God be the glory!
NOTE: I did write a book called Having Faith and
published it in 2015. However, after learning about some of the false teachings, I decided to unpublish it, and it is no longer available. I do hope one day to
write another book detailing my testimony more fully.